Lots to like here. Great alignments at Impact and Follow-through, i.e., to the Both Arms Straight position (Section 11).
The student is Hitting (as evident in his Release motion). Therefore, as a next srep on his journey, I would offer him the alternative of the Hitter's Drive Loading procedure (10-19-A) from the Top (per the Hitter's Basic Pattern 12-1-0) instead of his current Drag Loading (10-19-C) which is more compatible with Swinging (12-2-0).
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