Lies!!! Lies!!! No more lies!!!!
 

Ok boys . . . let's help each other out. If you REALLY want to help your game, this is where we should start.

What is the MOST deceitful dispicable dishonest LIE that you have told your wife/significant other/baby's mama so you could sneak away to the golf course or practice range?

Let's hear how creative you bunch of Koolaid slurpers really are . . .

I ain't talking about the old stand-bys either like . . .

"I had a meeting that ran a bit long sweetheart."
"I was shopping early for our 60th anniversary."
"I decided to take your mother to lunch."
"I went to the Dr. Phil show to get some pointers on improving our relationship and to figure out how to get you to . . . SHUT THE HELL UP!!!"

No More Lies
 

12 Piece

I don't have to lie anymore got rid of her:D Just kidding, no more lies for me. I found a solution to my addition with the G.O.L.F. I work by a golf course that is 4 minutes from my work. Lunch time is my favorite part of my day. My lunch is white crack best diet ever; One or two buckets of white crack I am good to go (Tuesday,Wednesday,Thrusday) and Monday night from 7:00PM PST till 10:00PM PST All you can hit white crack till the Lights go out. Friday,Saturday and Sunday Family time. How good does it get.:cool: I try to squeeze in a round or two between wife and kids activities.

Regards
Ball Turf

Sex, lies, and no video tapes.
 

He: Forgive me, darling. I've been having an affair with my secretary. We were at a hotel all afternoon, making love.

She: Don't lie to me you no good b*stard! You've been playing golf, haven't you!

Hey Bud,

I play golf whenever I want...I have no wife to contend with...:D

My Wife
 

My wife is a 9 handicap. She complains if I don't play enough.

Did you here the one about.....?
 

A man asked his girlfriend to marry him. She said no, and the man lived happily ever after and played golf every day. ;)

A Keeper!
 

How's her sister look? Does she have all her teeth? If she doesn't have a sister . . . How's her brother look?

Crackheads
 

You got it made dude! Is the handicap trending down?

Now that you're all hyped up on the crack . . . got get them kiddies hooked on crack too. My oldest is 4. I gave him some crack. He thought it was a sword. Still bruised on my ankles. Some have violent reactions when on crack.

Get them young'uns hooked on crack early.

Crack don't kill . . . crack is good.

No sister, sorry. I'd fix you up with her brother, but he doesn't play. Why don't we play sometime, I'll drive up from Pinehurst and meet you! You can introduce me to REAL BBQ.

Works for me. I could probably be talked into driving down your way. We could recruit Eddie Cox and Annikan Skywalker. You won't learn much from me, but those boys are for real.

Sounds like a great foursome to me, I met Ed last summer and took a lesson from David a few weeks ago. Set it up and I'll be there. I might be able to get us on #8.

After 2 years of my wife working on her masters and golfing whenever I wanted, I'm doin' the same thing...only way to go if you got a family. The other solution I came up with was to build an indoor "range" (driving mat + net soon to be a piece of carpet) in our barn..."honey, goin' out to the barn for a few minutes!" ;-)

While we were doing the baby shower registration thing, I snuck away when my wife wasn't looking and registered for one of those little Nike golf golf clubs. Luckily I have a couple un-married friends who knew what the baby really needed!

Join the ranks
 

Do like I did, and join the ranks of teaching professionals. All you have to do to get in the PGA is pass an easy playing test, work for three years at $17,000 a year as a cart boy or counter jockey, do all the workbooks and pass all the tests, then find some cow pasture that will allow your sorry butt to solicit lessons. Then you've got it made.

Wife on the phone... "Hey, sweetie. Where are you?"
Hubbie... "I'm still at work, as usual."
Work = Golf
Golf = Work
It's very convenient.

Warning: Always check your back right pocket before going home. The glove hanging out of the pocket is a sure giveaway.

long distance award
 

"Hey honey...I have this science meeting I HAVE to go to in Australia. Where in Australia? Oh, near Cairns. I think it's sorta a resort place with a convention center, Palm Cove is the name. I'm sure we'll be too busy to do any of the resort stuff."

...was actually very early on in TGM and only hit a few buckets with borrowed clubs...plus this happened on the course (see repply #10) and was in the papers the day before i got there:

http://www.hedonistica.com/archives/..._eats_kang.php

...now that's what i call a hazard!

-hcw

You seemed to have come up with a brilliantly simple solution to the problem at hand by attaching your livelihood to golf. The resulting problem will require a thread of it's own to discuss how to convince the wife to live in a cow pasture on the salary of a counter jockey for at least 3 years!

paying forward
 

They call it "paying your dues".

been there done that (still doing a little) ...just not in golf :) It would require a miracle to pull that off again!

Sad, Isn't It?
 

I have found that pouting and throwing fits will usually get my hubby to drag his aspirations to the golf course with me.:D I try not to play by myself when he is home because the guilt trip awaiting my return is too much to bear.:-#

UFO sighting
 

Well this big ole helicopter thang come down out the sky . . . and there was this whatchacallit that looked just like a wo-man. . . it said . . . GET YOUR CLUBS LET'S PLAY 36!!! I fell straight off the damn tractor . . . when I come to . . . there wuz an upside down footjoy logo right there on my noggin. And some strange lookin' chunks of grass that looked like a dang bacon strip. I ain't come out the double wide since even when that tornado ripped the roof of the shed.

Uh are you from Mars? I have never met such a being. Take me to your leader.

Well, yes I do get a big manic about it. That is what happens when you get real close to being good, but haven't quite gotten there yet. Just like today when I headed out to the range at lunch in a 25 MPH wind. Did nothing for my game, but I felt better.](*,) \\:D/

A good time to practice for advanced players IMO. The wind really helps you learn to control the ball!

knock down shots to about 100 yards with a 7 iron, working it both ways ;)

Unfortunately the range sits straight downwind with slightly downhill lies. It is interesting to see wedges go up then flatten out like they hit a ceiling. Long irons were especially frustrating. The jack rabbits were shaking in their furry feet! Driver was fun though.:D

Hmmm....what is this? I too have never met such a being...you have any single friends ThinkingPlus?? :D
Alex

I know what you mean. You sure can have some funny 'dancing' trajectories when the wind is really blowing. Especially with range balls that have varying levels of dimples left on them.

What Are These Dimple Things You Speak Of?
 

Most of the range balls around here resemble ping pong balls rather than golf balls. Actually, being able to hit a low slice-hook balloon ball on a short par 3 with a five iron could come in handy!#-o :-D

Unfortunately, no. I almost never play golf with other women. Being in the engineering field tends to restrict my social contacts to geeky males. My hubby and I occasionally get matched up with other couples. It is fun, but I end of feeling bad for the other lady. I have two options. If I play the tees with the guys, then the other woman is left alone at the lady's tees (not very social of me). If I play the lady's tees then I bomb driver 75+ yards past hers and feel bad about it all day.

I usually find it easier playing with the guys. Then I don't feel so guilty when I bomb it past them and I get to see some extraordinary swings-out-of-their-shoes high slices OB trying to keep up. :| :-\" :lol:

Dorkfest '06
 

No offense to any of my Koolaid Pals . . . but I imagine there's some pretty dorky dudes studying the Little Yellow Book.

I happen to be very familiar with at least one . . .

As ex-physist and a current computer bloke, I resemble the Dork comment :D
Alex

Revenge of the Nerds
 

Geeks! No geeks round here! I can't stand those uppity little wimps.

As soon as I get done with a few things today I'm going to set you straight! But first I need to define a few next generation computer products, sell a few stock options, and pick up my Mercedes at the detailer. I'll finish posting a response from my PDA after my vendor dinner meeting at the club.

Are You Sure?
 

Now really is there any such thing as an ex-physicist?;)

Never lied TO play golf, but have told a few to keep playing more than 18.