[O.B.Left]

O.B., thank you for your thoughtful and considered reply. You gave me a lot to think about, a lot to "feel" about.

Moe's "healthy indifference" was what metaphysician Jane Roberts called "divine nonchalance". I like both. My problem is while I can understand these concepts intellectually, and those you postulated, it is very difficult for me to inculcate them emotionally, or mindfully.

I dance much better when no one is watching. I suspect tournament golf could take that to the next level if I let it. The dance becomes difficult when we allow ourselves to externalize our steps and not allow the internalization to work its magic. And, make no mistake, golf is magical. More often than not I suppress the magic and get caught up in the "trivia".

As you alluded to a golf shot is just that, a golf shot. It's our reaction to that shot that determines what happens next. I can very much relate to your reaction of the 7-iron you hit over the green. That's where my golf game is right now: getting upset and allowing the negativity to intrude. And when I try too hard, and the results do not match my expectations, I feel like a failure.

To be honest, having fun has not been in my golf lexicon, unless it was preceded by a good shot or a good round. Golf just IS. Like the energy that surrounds us it is neither good or bad. Our responses to this wonderful game determine what kind of mistress she will be.

A true golf handicap index is not measured by a number but by an attitude. In that regard I'm just a neophyte...learning to navigate anew the hazards, fairways and greens. Fear in golf is borne on an expectation rather than a result. When the two don't mesh we begin to put unhealthy labels on ourselves. I know, I'm an expert.

My goal is not only to play good golf, but to play with healthy indifference, with divine nonchalance. This is proving to be quite a challenge for me. I have to let go of expectations and surrender to the process, trusting that it will "work".

Sean, if all that have fun stuff doesnt work, I can become a miserable S.O.B. Which works sometimes too. In this circumstance I recommend you inflict pain upon yourself in a self hating but motivating and attitude readjusting manner. Its very cathartic and gratifying.

If you're really, really pissed with your self and you dont want anyone to notice what's going......... you can go behind a tree and slam a wedge into your shin. If there isnt a tree around, like say your in Ireland or something.......you can reach into your pocket and squeeze the crap out of those t'ings dat hurt the most when squeezed.

Im considering writing a book about self motivational attitude readjustment for the golfer. The handbook for the golfer, self flagalizer. Its working title "4 freakin shots from 20 freakin yards", or "this is gonna hurt me more than this is gonna hurt me". I cant decide.

This is such a great game, this golf is. Such a metaphor to life and life is suffering as you know.

Guess you can tell I played like crap today.